There are a lot of things wrong with America, but none perhaps as concerning of our growing inability to get shit done. Wasn’t it always an American hallmark that we kicked ass and took names? As the saying goes, we put a man on the moon, but…

I don’t think it’s a political issue, although the Trump administration has fucked up more than its share of basic government function over the past four years. No, this inability to do things started long before we elected that orange moron. Maybe it started after the attacks of 911. Instead of hunting down the perpetrators, we bungled our way into a quagmire in two countries that didn’t attack us on Sept. 11, 2001 and made things worse for millions of people living in Iraq and Afghanistan. Our response to Hurricane Katrina was pathetic and immoral. Our trains don’t run on time and crash all the time. Our cities are crumbling and we can’t even ensure our citizens get clean water to drink. Our forests are burning down and taking whole towns with them. Our healthcare system is a clusterfuck of bureaucracy, escalating costs, and coverage gaps. We can’t even do something as basic as hold an election without major issues. Seriously, I could go on all day but I might have to shoot myself afterward it’s so depressing. America feels like a banana republic not the greatest country on the planet. There’s plenty of blame to go around, on every side of the political spectrum, but also on all of us for allowing this to happen under our watch. It’s our country, therefore it’s our fault that things are so bad. I know, it’s not all bad — we still make a damn good hamburger.

The pandemic has, unfortunately, highlighted our ineffectiveness. I don’t think it’s fair to compare our response to, say, New Zealand’s. They are a small island with fewer citizens than New York City alone. But the list of countries managing this virus better than us is a little sad. We’re number one in total cases and total deaths. Near the top of the list in deaths per million citizens at 1,201. China is 45th in total deaths despite having four times our population. There are a lot of what the orangutan in chief called shithole countries kicking our ass on this virus. Somalia has had 130 total deaths from coronavirus. Laos — none. Nobody has died from Covid-19 in Laos. All these facts are readily available here: https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/

But nothing we’ve screwed up over the past few years is as terrifying as how we are rolling out the Covid vaccine. Seriously, we have a solution in our hands and we’re tossing bricks like Shaquille O’Neal at the free-throw line. There’s plenty of blame here for the Trump administration. By delaying vaccine purchases and not developing a national roll out strategy he caused this mess. Punting this roll out to the states to figure out may end up causing tens of thousands if not millions of lives. Still, you’d think state government could figure this out but things are going terribly wrong. Because in America we can’t do basic things anymore.

The obvious question is why? Are we just too big? Are we too divided politically that we can’t agree on something as nonpartisan as a deadly virus? Have we spent years underfunding infrastructure while propping up corporations and billionaires? Are our best and brightest eschewing public office because why would any smart person be foolish enough to put themselves in that no-win cycle of fundraising? Yes. Yes. Yes. All of the above and more.

I’m furious with the vaccine rollout here in Arizona. And not just because I have significant risk factors and haven’t been able to get the vaccine yet. I also have been trying desperately to book vaccine appointments for my parents. Meanwhile, I’m seeing people with far less risk than myself smiling on Facebook as needles are plunged into their arms. It’s not their fault — good for them. The system is ridiculous and ripe for fraud. Here’s a headline I saw today that sums it up — The Wild Ways Young People Justify Jumping Ahead of the Line for the Coronavirus Vaccine. Again, not blaming them for jumping ahead of the line. It should never have been an issue to begin with.

I know things are bad in many states. I just read about a friend in Texas who drove hours to get a vaccine only to be turned away because they ran out. But Arizona’s rollout has been especially bad. When the administration left this task to the states, Arizona could have done the smart thing and brought together state and county health officials, corporations, and medical experts to formulate a logical plan to vaccinate our seven million citizens over the next six months. Instead, our state punted to the counties. And now we’re left with a mishmash of policies and procedures that are unfair, ineffective, and delayed and that will result in lives lost. It’s that serious. Lives will be lost.

In Maricopa County, where I live, in order to get the vaccine you have to register on the Arizona Department of Health Services website to get an appointment for the vaccine. There is only one large-scale vaccine delivery site, at State Farm Stadium, and those appointments are booked through the end of the month and the site is not yet taking February appointments for some unknown reason. The state’s registration site is confusing, leaving many eligibility details to interpretation resulting in people who should not be first in line getting vaccines. Meanwhile, people under age 75 with pre-existing conditions are still waiting for registration slots to open and crossing their fingers that when the slots do open they can get an appointment and that there are vaccines available. I can wait until my turn (I’m 1B but apparently there are two phases of 1B though nobody mentioned this. Or maybe I’m 1C. Not sure, which is the point). Or I can fib and say I am a teacher or a childcare worker and hope nobody asks for proof, something I’m hearing is exactly what is happening at the State Farm Stadium site. If you show up with an appointment you get a vaccine even if you lied on the registration form. And again, I’m not blaming people who have done just that. The guidelines are unclear. If you work for a company that has previously been deemed essential does that mean you are 1B or 1B phase two? Do you work or volunteer with children even though you do not work for a school, and does that make you eligible? It’s unclear so people are checking that box and heading down to the distribution sites and getting vaccinated even without proof of employment. Of course there is fraud in this system — it was designed to enable fraud.

For the record, even if you are in 1B phase one there are no appointments left at State Farm Stadium in January despite it being open 24/7 and February appointments are not yet being accepted. So I can’t get a vaccine in Maricopa County for now.

Which brings me to the rest of the state. Every county has its own plan and its own way of determining what phase it is in. Pima County finally opened their registration site on Thursday, and it immediately crashed. I decided to try to sign up in Pima and when I went through the process the final outcome was a note that said the county was going to evaluate my eligibility and get back to me. Get back to me? When? How?

Meanwhile, I heard from someone on Facebook that Banner Health was taking registrations for appointments at a site in Pima County so I headed to that site and was successful in getting appointments for my parents and myself. Though I’m still not 100 percent sure if I’m truly eligible at this time or if my mother is truly eligible. For her it’s because you have to be 75 in Pima County to get a vaccine, but only until Tuesday at which time they are opening it up to people 65 or older. By the way, Maricopa County has decided not to open up to those 65 and older for now despite guidance from the state saying they didn’t think they had enough vaccines. And they probably don’t. Whose fault is that? I’d say it’s the collective “leadership” of the U.S. — the greatest country on the planet?

So here we are. A year into this pandemic and science has gifted us with a vaccine and we can’t come together and create a smart, logical, and fair process for vaccinating every citizen. It’s just a vaccine dammit — we put a man on the moon!