The Heart of the Matter

Valentine’s Day is a silly made up Hallmark holiday designed to con men into buying flowers and candy, not to mention a corny greeting card inscribed with someone else’s sentiment. When you’ve been married for nearly 18 years, it’s hard to take Valentine’s Day too seriously. I can never figure out what to do for my wife on Valentine’s Day. She doesn’t eat candy and flowers seem so cliché. Jewelry is out of the question because she isn’t a big jewelry person and what she does wear belonged to her dead mother so how can I compete with that? This year I can’t even really take her out to dinner because I can’t eat much of anything on my post heart attack diet. I’ve been thinking about it for a few days now, and what I’ve decided to do this year is give her a gift from my heart — hell, it is my heart.

Dear Leslie,

Tomorrow is the four-month anniversary of my heart attack and I have made so much progress it is remarkable. But what is even more remarkable is how much you have been there for me. I always thought wedding vows were just a formality, but I have a new appreciation for “in sickness and in health.” It’s one thing to stand by your partner in tough times, but there are degrees of being there — not everyone is capable of giving as much as you have given to me over these past few months. From the moment Dr. Kerr called you from her office and told you I was headed to the emergency room you changed your entire life for me. Hell, you beat the ambulance to the ER and was waiting for me when I arrived! At that moment I put my faith in you to make decisions about my health because I knew after 17 years of marriage I could trust you more than anyone with life and death decisions. I never once felt scared because I knew you were there for me, which is why I seemed to be so cavalier about the whole experience. I was scared inside, but I also had a tremendous peace about things because I knew you were going to take care of me.

In the days and weeks that followed you took the bull by the horns and made my care your top priority. You didn’t just sit by my side, you owned this crisis and became an overnight expert on heart health. You researched all of my medicines and asked a million questions of my healthcare team, all so you’d know how best to take care of me. And then there was the food! I don’t think people understand how critical food is in the first six months post heart attack, but you do. Reading labels is only the start…but you went so far above and beyond the call of duty its astounding. I don’t think I had to cook a single meal in the first few weeks, and even today you make my eating life so much more amazing than it would have been had I been in charge. I don’t think there’s any doubt had I been alone on this journey I would be eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for every meal. In the past few months you have made — from scratch — a variety of meals fit for a heart-healthy king. Pizza. Lasagna. Sweet and Sour Chicken. Chili. Soups. Fish. Casseroles. Grilled cheese. Even hamburgers this week! All low fat and low sodium. This is no small task and I want you to know how much I appreciate it. And have I mentioned the bread. I had no idea that when you bought a bread machine I’d be eating every kind of low sodium bread under the sun. Rye. Pumpernickel. Wheat. Sourdough. Homemade bagels and buns! You are not normal and I am so damn lucky.

Not every wife would have come with me to all my doctors appointments, or reminded me to take my pills (and there are so many of them!). When I started cardiac rehab you came three days a week with me until I settled in and got comfortable. You are one of the only spouses who regularly attends the learning sessions so you can have even more knowledge to take care of me. But it’s so much more than my physical health that you’ve taken care of these past four months. You’ve managed to do all of this while still making me laugh, and going on walks with me, and taking me out to restaurants and parties and friends houses. You planned my first post heart attack “vacation” with an incredible weekend for all of us in Coronado over New Years and while it could have been so stressful it was instead a new beginning and it shed the light on our future together. We can travel and eat out and enjoy the life we were meant to share together. You even encouraged me to buy the expensive impractical car and you haven’t complained yet about my new (is it permanent?) facial hair!

It hasn’t always been easy. But I really haven’t had too many down periods since all of this shit hit the fan. On the rare occasions when I’ve felt overwhelmed, you’ve simply been there for me to talk to or to hug. You have been so strong through all of this, and though I know you’ve had your moments as well, they have been few and far between. You are such a strong person…I could only hope to be as strong as you someday.

Through sickness and in health. We have been together for 20 years and it hasn’t always been easy. Relationships are hard work, and there is a reason why most marriages don’t make it. But through it all, you have been there for me. This may have been the biggest crisis we’ve had as a couple, but there were plenty of smaller ones. The common theme though is that you always rise to the occasion. Whether it was Connor’s health issues or our ill-fated move to Georgia or my career fiascos, it never mattered to you — you simply did what comes natural to you and took charge. I think you are the most remarkable woman on the planet and I don’t know what I did to deserve you. You are the most beautiful, intelligent, funny, caring, sexy, amazing woman in the world and you’re my Valentine. And I’m your Valentine. I wouldn’t want to be with any other woman in the world…ever.

I love you and Happy Valentine’s Day.

Lenny